Helen Goes From School Life To.....BEING DEPRESSED

by - 11:40 AM

So. It's no secret that I am not the most popular person at school. I go to a private school. It's quite interesting (not in a good way), compared to a public school. I feel I am likable, but really - I feel a sense of detachment from my classmates. I have one best friend that is funny and cool and is as much of an outsider as I am - Rainbow for now. It's an odd relationship. Everyone in my grade at school are like how John Green said, "All those paper people living in their paper houses, burning the future to stay warm." Except not really. But you get the idea.

Honestly - what people talk about nowadays, if you just hear the conversation, it's so inane. It drives me crazy. How is it possible that people find ENJOYMENT in this? I have realized that I've been thinking of myself as above these kids for a while, but I'm trying to set that aside. I really don't get the point of life in times like these. Why does anyone live? WHAT IS THE POINT.
Really, if you get down to the heart of it, you can keep going on and on like, "We need life for joy!" Then, "If there was no life, there'd be no point in joy. Humanity doesn't even exist." "But humanity is nice and good!" "Well, if there was nothing - absolute nonexistence, it wouldn't matter because that concept would never have been known or existed." It's really a paradox. Gets you thinking about alternate dimensions/realities.

Anyway, if people are going to be silly and shallow and vapid and care about nothing but the fact that "HAN SOLO DIED IT'S SO SAD" (well actually that wasn't a very good example because it was sad, but...), the point of life is pretty much moot. We can believe in some higher power, like, "God created us to spread His word!" or believe in some odd mythology or some scientific theory ("We evolved from apes! Joy!"), but why?

*----This is a very depressed girl talking. Even Rainbow got depressed.----*

Also, a fact: I am Chinese.

What this means is that I have very strict parents who, unfortunately, don't approve of me reading books. They want me to "focus on my studying". Total bs. I'm a multitasker.

See, if it weren't for books, I'd probably go ahead and kill myself. Well. Isn't that depressing. I mean, I know, I'm an interesting person, and I could easily make friends and be popular and stuff, but I'm so SHELTERED where I am now. That's why I want to go to NYC for college. THE CITY OF LIGHTS. OR DREAMS. Or the tagline: "Being better than your current city since a long time ago."

I'm going to make a life for myself someday - whether it be through cool friends, or a cool penthouse, or a cool blog or whatever...

I am going to have something that people are going to want for themselves.

You can quote me on that.

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9 comments

  1. Thanks For Checking Out My Blog. It's new and appreciate any feedback. Your Blog looks great and hope one day to have as much content as you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AW! Thanks! Your blog is so nicely done, though! I need to get my act together, and invest in a theme designer/coder.... but thanks for insinuating that I have a lot of content! It's not really actual stuff, yet, so.... :)

      Delete
  2. Aww, I do understand this *nods* Because I can't even handle small/shallow chats with people. IT MEANS NOTHING. I like meaningful things and discussions and adventures and meaningful cake. xD Ahem. And I really do love books for how much they make me think!! Good thing you're an excellent multitasker. ;)
    Thanks for stopping by @ Paper Fury!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know what I really like about you? You really take the time to stop by other posts and blogs and comment! Plus, you reply to comments on your posts a lot! That's really dedicated and you're also super funny, so you should be super famous! At least in the blogging world! (Also, I know my blog sucks, but one day I will save up enough for the most gorgeous template ever to avenge my years of ugliness - you're welcome, blog!)

      Delete
    2. OMG YOUR BLOG DOES NOT SUCK!!! XD And omg, you are the sweetest of ever though. OF EVER I SAY. I don't always get around to everybody, but I honestly 100% try because I think that's the beauty of blogging! CONNECTING AND CHATTING. <3

      Delete
  3. Typical Asian parenting *sighs* My parents are also like that, they want me to focus on my study and do nothing else! It's like the whole world would end if I have bad grades *shakes head* And they expect me to be a Doctor or Engineer. They just have so much expectations! Plus being sheltered. I agree with you on that. I can't even sleepover to my friend's house??? Like it's not that far, I could walk there *sighs*

    Tasya // The Literary Huntress

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well, Helen. I like you and I'm IN LOVE with your blog.
    It's fantastic (!) and although I'm home-schooled now I went to a private school before and a public school before that so I know what it's like to feel sheltered. Honestly, it SUCKS sometimes and I'm not 'cool' either. Unless you think being a book reading, cat obsessed human is cool? Yeah, I thought so.

    Anyways, I think you wanting to get out into the big wide world (or New York) is admirable. Also, sharing these thoughts and feelings OMG I can't even comprehend how you're able to do this.
    Sharing these 'difficult' things has always been difficult to me. I feel like you deserve 100 thousand cupcakes for even sharing this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *heart melts* *heart melts some more* *heart gobbles down said cupcakes* OMG AND I LOVE YOU! Starting a blog was kind of my online journal for a moment, then i realized wait - people might actually make their way here? And read this? So then I was like BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS but knowing me, and all my issues (aka first-world problems that shouldn't even be classified as problems but I have feelings okay?), I will probably rant more. ;) I'm glad you can relate to being sheltered, because it SUCKS.

      Delete
  5. OMG I love your blog design. It freakin' ROCKS. I go to a private school too! I don't like most of my classmates because their values and priorities are so different from mine. But luckily I have some awesome friends and a twin sister :) . (Not dope or american, btw, but I am young) . I'm not asian but I live in Asia? Luckily I have awesome and non-strict parents. I like to PRETEND I can multitask, but I can't tbh. Anyway, nice to meet you. I should comment on a newer post but oh well.... *waves*
    Virtually Read

    ReplyDelete

HI. BE YOUNG. BE DOPE. BE PROUD. LIKE AN AMERICAN.
(unless you don't want to. or if you're not american. or young. or dope.)

Monday, January 18, 2016

Helen Goes From School Life To.....BEING DEPRESSED

So. It's no secret that I am not the most popular person at school. I go to a private school. It's quite interesting (not in a good way), compared to a public school. I feel I am likable, but really - I feel a sense of detachment from my classmates. I have one best friend that is funny and cool and is as much of an outsider as I am - Rainbow for now. It's an odd relationship. Everyone in my grade at school are like how John Green said, "All those paper people living in their paper houses, burning the future to stay warm." Except not really. But you get the idea.

Honestly - what people talk about nowadays, if you just hear the conversation, it's so inane. It drives me crazy. How is it possible that people find ENJOYMENT in this? I have realized that I've been thinking of myself as above these kids for a while, but I'm trying to set that aside. I really don't get the point of life in times like these. Why does anyone live? WHAT IS THE POINT.
Really, if you get down to the heart of it, you can keep going on and on like, "We need life for joy!" Then, "If there was no life, there'd be no point in joy. Humanity doesn't even exist." "But humanity is nice and good!" "Well, if there was nothing - absolute nonexistence, it wouldn't matter because that concept would never have been known or existed." It's really a paradox. Gets you thinking about alternate dimensions/realities.

Anyway, if people are going to be silly and shallow and vapid and care about nothing but the fact that "HAN SOLO DIED IT'S SO SAD" (well actually that wasn't a very good example because it was sad, but...), the point of life is pretty much moot. We can believe in some higher power, like, "God created us to spread His word!" or believe in some odd mythology or some scientific theory ("We evolved from apes! Joy!"), but why?

*----This is a very depressed girl talking. Even Rainbow got depressed.----*

Also, a fact: I am Chinese.

What this means is that I have very strict parents who, unfortunately, don't approve of me reading books. They want me to "focus on my studying". Total bs. I'm a multitasker.

See, if it weren't for books, I'd probably go ahead and kill myself. Well. Isn't that depressing. I mean, I know, I'm an interesting person, and I could easily make friends and be popular and stuff, but I'm so SHELTERED where I am now. That's why I want to go to NYC for college. THE CITY OF LIGHTS. OR DREAMS. Or the tagline: "Being better than your current city since a long time ago."

I'm going to make a life for myself someday - whether it be through cool friends, or a cool penthouse, or a cool blog or whatever...

I am going to have something that people are going to want for themselves.

You can quote me on that.

9 comments:

  1. Thanks For Checking Out My Blog. It's new and appreciate any feedback. Your Blog looks great and hope one day to have as much content as you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AW! Thanks! Your blog is so nicely done, though! I need to get my act together, and invest in a theme designer/coder.... but thanks for insinuating that I have a lot of content! It's not really actual stuff, yet, so.... :)

      Delete
  2. Aww, I do understand this *nods* Because I can't even handle small/shallow chats with people. IT MEANS NOTHING. I like meaningful things and discussions and adventures and meaningful cake. xD Ahem. And I really do love books for how much they make me think!! Good thing you're an excellent multitasker. ;)
    Thanks for stopping by @ Paper Fury!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know what I really like about you? You really take the time to stop by other posts and blogs and comment! Plus, you reply to comments on your posts a lot! That's really dedicated and you're also super funny, so you should be super famous! At least in the blogging world! (Also, I know my blog sucks, but one day I will save up enough for the most gorgeous template ever to avenge my years of ugliness - you're welcome, blog!)

      Delete
    2. OMG YOUR BLOG DOES NOT SUCK!!! XD And omg, you are the sweetest of ever though. OF EVER I SAY. I don't always get around to everybody, but I honestly 100% try because I think that's the beauty of blogging! CONNECTING AND CHATTING. <3

      Delete
  3. Typical Asian parenting *sighs* My parents are also like that, they want me to focus on my study and do nothing else! It's like the whole world would end if I have bad grades *shakes head* And they expect me to be a Doctor or Engineer. They just have so much expectations! Plus being sheltered. I agree with you on that. I can't even sleepover to my friend's house??? Like it's not that far, I could walk there *sighs*

    Tasya // The Literary Huntress

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well, Helen. I like you and I'm IN LOVE with your blog.
    It's fantastic (!) and although I'm home-schooled now I went to a private school before and a public school before that so I know what it's like to feel sheltered. Honestly, it SUCKS sometimes and I'm not 'cool' either. Unless you think being a book reading, cat obsessed human is cool? Yeah, I thought so.

    Anyways, I think you wanting to get out into the big wide world (or New York) is admirable. Also, sharing these thoughts and feelings OMG I can't even comprehend how you're able to do this.
    Sharing these 'difficult' things has always been difficult to me. I feel like you deserve 100 thousand cupcakes for even sharing this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *heart melts* *heart melts some more* *heart gobbles down said cupcakes* OMG AND I LOVE YOU! Starting a blog was kind of my online journal for a moment, then i realized wait - people might actually make their way here? And read this? So then I was like BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS but knowing me, and all my issues (aka first-world problems that shouldn't even be classified as problems but I have feelings okay?), I will probably rant more. ;) I'm glad you can relate to being sheltered, because it SUCKS.

      Delete
  5. OMG I love your blog design. It freakin' ROCKS. I go to a private school too! I don't like most of my classmates because their values and priorities are so different from mine. But luckily I have some awesome friends and a twin sister :) . (Not dope or american, btw, but I am young) . I'm not asian but I live in Asia? Luckily I have awesome and non-strict parents. I like to PRETEND I can multitask, but I can't tbh. Anyway, nice to meet you. I should comment on a newer post but oh well.... *waves*
    Virtually Read

    ReplyDelete

HI. BE YOUNG. BE DOPE. BE PROUD. LIKE AN AMERICAN.
(unless you don't want to. or if you're not american. or young. or dope.)