*waves awkwardly* Well, er, hi. Yes, this is Helen. Yes, she has returned from the dead. Yes, her blog looks really odd now. Yes, she is a certified psycho who is incredibly indecisive and can't choose between designs.

The truth is, though no one really cares, I am a fledgling blogger who is bad at accomplishing stuff. I see blogs that went like, "Oh I was only about a month old and had only a couple hundred followers but I still got ARCs and cool swag from publishers BUT YOU SHOULD BE AT LEAST SIX MONTHS OLD." HAHAHAHAHAH I am six months old and I have like 1 follower. (Hey, better than 0!)

Also I am very good at wasting time. I just get on Pinterest or Tumblr or Twitter or Wattpad and spend lots of time doing stuff. I don't even know what I do. I just WASTE TIME. URGH. THE CURSE OF THE SOCIAL MEDIA. Also I waste a lot of time obsessing over what my blog looks like, and it doesn't even matter because it's the content that should be obsessed over. URGH. HELEN WHY ARE YOU SUCH AN IDIOT. You guys be like:

Oh well. Bear with me, please. I'm working on multiple reviews right now (We Are The Ants & The Forbidden Wish), and both books are AMAZING books (because I don't review books that I don't like because I frankly have nothing to say besides cussing it out a bunch XD) so it's incredibly hard to do justice to them. *sigh* #TheStruggleIsReal (Edit: Lady Midnight TOO! At this point, it'll probably be a series of mini-reviews)

Also, this IS totally a filler post because I feel I haven't been posting even every other week! And that feeling sucks, because I know I have a LOT to put into this blog, and I really really really want it all to work! My brain constantly goes, "HELEN. NEW IDEA. PUT IT OUT NOW." Then I lack the motivation to actually push through and make an actual POST about it. There's just SO MANY! And I'd love to have discussions, but those would probably flop because I don't have followers? Or many people that come by here regularly? AND I TOTALLY WISH I DID. URGH. I also hate that new readers will have to see this post when they come... ANYWAY.

The point is, a total bookish related post is coming up! And I don't want you to think that I've died and fallen off a cliff and then the blog died too! Don't worry. If you're here, I LOVE YOU.

Source: http://chippythedog.tumblr.com/post/142172941866

I figured out this thing where you don't actually deviate from what your blog post is supposed to about. Yes. Progress, Helen, PROGRESS! I mean, this post and its title is probably the worst one to start from, but whatever. I have to get some feelings out. I'm cautioning you. Get ready for a load of GREATNESS!

Cassandra Clare - What She's Keeping From Us

• Enlightenment
• Bellumina's Informative Post

I will summarize these 2 articles for you: Cassandra Clare is not who we idolize her to be. She cyber-bullies, she gets her publishers to cover up her mistakes, and she plagiarizes, etc. etc. Honestly, I cannot believe it. And it explains a lot - it makes total sense. Valentine and his Circle? AHEM VOLDEMORT ALERT. Oh, Cassandra Clare. Or should I say, Cassandra Claire? Or Judith Rumelt?

My Music Aspirations

I've always thought I was born in the wrong decade. Don't get me wrong, I love Taylor Swift, Twenty One Pilots, and Halsey and all (I feel like Lana Del Rey isn't considered exactly 21st century style), but I think I'd really like to be in that Britney Spears-esque part of the 90's (and before that). I definitely appreciate technology, though, even if it turns us into complete zombies with nothing better to do at home sometimes. Isn't it amazing that everyone can be connected and communicate within seconds? I am totally a 21st century girl this way. But man, music was, well I have to say, better back then. Or at least easier to find good music mainstream. I am incredibly disappointed in a lot of the popular music. I can't complain, though, since some of it is infuriatingly catchy even if the quality is iffy.

What I really would want is to be one of those cultured 25-year-olds who are like, "Yeah I totally saw Fall Out Boy in concert 10 years ago. Their old music was better, but 'Uma Thurman' is pretty good." Or one of those people on 8tracks who have great playlists accumulated over time, including random but great artists that totally don't seem to fit together but just do.

Some people are just like, "Oh yeah Of Monsters And Men were great. So were Foo Fighters and Arctic Monkeys. Oh, old times were great." I think I just want good music taste in general. Oh well. I'll be one of those people one day.

Book Reviews

My posting is totally irregular - it'll be explained below. If people somehow actually happen across my blog and like it (God forbid - what are you thinking?) and stick around, they might notice my book reviews posted on Goodreads. I have decided to post reviews on this blog (this a big step!) and then repost on Goodreads (I don't actually know how - I'll look it up).

However, I have realized that reviews from other people make me totally biased for my own reviews. If you're a reader, reviews are pretty useful. If you trust the reviewer's judgement and think it's pretty similar to yours, cool. You have found a blog that you are going to follow! That always makes a blogger's day, especially one that's just starting out like me (WINK WINK). But if you're a book reviewer/blogger that's a beginner (more world-weathered ones probably know this), reading other reviews, especially strongly pushing ones (some people are passionate, man!), trust me. NOT A GOOD IDEA. You will become biased, and adapt their feelings as your own - some are very persuasive...

Why I Don't Trust Astronomy/Zodiac Signs And Horoscope Gibberish

Zodiac signs and etc. are very overrated. They're so detailed that you often believe them - like the topic above, you can adapt to whatever it tells you. Say you're a Capricorn (like me) - it lists off a bunch of qualities that you are likely to have. There are so many that you are likely to have at least one in common (or more; luck is seriously a player in this). I do agree that it can very easily seem a lot like you. Mine says I'm ambitious (for one). I am not very ambitious. Yes, I do have great hopes for myself in the future, but I wouldn't go so far as to use ambitious to define my personality. I'm actually pretty easy-going. My point is, if something like zodiac signs tells you what you are, you will immediately find all the aspects you have in common with what it's saying. I'm telling you what I think - It's total BS.

Basically, if you're into that super-accurate Myers Brigg test thing, I'm an ENFP. Some famous ENFPs are Peeta Mellark from THG, and Carrie Bradshaw from Sex And The City! I'm very independent (well I just hate relying on others). I think this thing is much more accurate than zodiac signs or whatever!

Tumblr

First of all, let me say this: Tumblr is addicting.

But it's totally fabulous! So many kind and cool people are on there, and you can find fans and spectacular edits of pretty much any known fandom on there. But a big problem for me: Unless you make edits or do something with your own skills (for the ones that have any), you won't get much exposure to potential followers. And it's so hard to make permanent friends and such!

But at the core of my frustration, it's honestly the fact that I have realized that the people who have lots of followers on Tumblr deserve it, and I, with really nothing to contribute, DON'T. That's a realization that will always haunt me - curse my justified brain!

My Brain

*read in cool accent* My brain is odd. Everyone's brain is odd. Mine happens to be an editor brain. It can't write for shit, but sees the flaws in writing after it's done. Methinks my brain will be an editor one day.

Basically, how I know this is that I'm constantly reading writing of my classmates (they suck at writing) and critiquing them. They kinda hate me for it. :/ I've tried to cut back, so whenever I see a horrible line of writing that makes NO SENSE, I just turn my head and cringe, instead of what I would've done otherwise: cringe to their face and tell them (relatively nicely) how they could change it. Needless to say, people don't always appreciate that from someone like me.

Another aspect is I get an explosion of ideas while I'm playing piano (seriously - I recommend taking up piano lessons, because it's GREAT for brainstorming once you get the hang of it) and then I can totally mentally elaborate on a subject I feel very passionately about but then later I can't remember ANYTHING. It sucks. I've started writing them down, but *starts tearing up a little* the inspiration hits only once!

I also know this because I can't write for shit. That is bolded because really - I CAN'T. It's horrible, but when it comes to writing something, it never turns out right and I never like it. Oh well. ("Oh well" usually means not that I'm giving up, but rather that I don't want to depress myself further by thinking of a subject.)

So many ideas, so little blogging time! This is the product of me writing all my ideas down - A BIG MUSH POT OF A POST. I need to get myself together....

My Problem With Lifestyle Blogs

Like the title says, I have a problem with lifestyle/style/fashion blogs. They're always so peppy and "chic" and the photos are so filtered that I cringe. Plus, I DON'T REALLY GIVE A SHIT. I mean, some people do, but not me. Some people might care about what you ate for breakfast and why _____ brand of pressed juice is WAY better than _____ brand.

I know I'm being very opinionated on this, but I am just stating why I don't like lifestyle blogs that much. They are not very beneficial to the reader or fun to read. But that might just be preference! Some people like hearing about the latest coat you bought! YOU care! Your mom cares! That's two people already!

So. It's no secret that I am not the most popular person at school. I go to a private school. It's quite interesting (not in a good way), compared to a public school. I feel I am likable, but really - I feel a sense of detachment from my classmates. I have one best friend that is funny and cool and is as much of an outsider as I am - Rainbow for now. It's an odd relationship. Everyone in my grade at school are like how John Green said, "All those paper people living in their paper houses, burning the future to stay warm." Except not really. But you get the idea.

Honestly - what people talk about nowadays, if you just hear the conversation, it's so inane. It drives me crazy. How is it possible that people find ENJOYMENT in this? I have realized that I've been thinking of myself as above these kids for a while, but I'm trying to set that aside. I really don't get the point of life in times like these. Why does anyone live? WHAT IS THE POINT.
Really, if you get down to the heart of it, you can keep going on and on like, "We need life for joy!" Then, "If there was no life, there'd be no point in joy. Humanity doesn't even exist." "But humanity is nice and good!" "Well, if there was nothing - absolute nonexistence, it wouldn't matter because that concept would never have been known or existed." It's really a paradox. Gets you thinking about alternate dimensions/realities.

Anyway, if people are going to be silly and shallow and vapid and care about nothing but the fact that "HAN SOLO DIED IT'S SO SAD" (well actually that wasn't a very good example because it was sad, but...), the point of life is pretty much moot. We can believe in some higher power, like, "God created us to spread His word!" or believe in some odd mythology or some scientific theory ("We evolved from apes! Joy!"), but why?

*----This is a very depressed girl talking. Even Rainbow got depressed.----*

Also, a fact: I am Chinese.

What this means is that I have very strict parents who, unfortunately, don't approve of me reading books. They want me to "focus on my studying". Total bs. I'm a multitasker.

See, if it weren't for books, I'd probably go ahead and kill myself. Well. Isn't that depressing. I mean, I know, I'm an interesting person, and I could easily make friends and be popular and stuff, but I'm so SHELTERED where I am now. That's why I want to go to NYC for college. THE CITY OF LIGHTS. OR DREAMS. Or the tagline: "Being better than your current city since a long time ago."

I'm going to make a life for myself someday - whether it be through cool friends, or a cool penthouse, or a cool blog or whatever...

I am going to have something that people are going to want for themselves.

You can quote me on that.